How did I become incontinent?

I noticed that about 12 years ago, I started to find that my underwear was wet after using the bathroom.  I had just married my beautiful wife.  We were trying to have kids, I had a new home and a great job.  Life was great, except this wetness I seemed to feel all the time.  It started to get a little worse with time.  I was not sure what to tell my wife, but one day I just had to tell her that I might need to put a pad or something in my underwear as I was finding more and more often I would sit down and find a wet spot on my pants.  Being in a profession work environment, that just did not work.  I started with Depends adjustable underwear for a bit.  They worked!  They are not comfortable, they are not manly, it was not something I looked forward to each morning before work as part of my wardrobe.  With time, I got used to it, sort of.  After a few years I had tried other products like Attends, Depends Briefs, store brands.  None of them were comfortable really.

Being a computer guy, I started looking online when my wife was not around as I was still very embarrassed.  I found a site run by a man that was also living with incontinence.  I found Abena pull ups on there and decided to try them.  WOW!  They were soft, not too bulky and very absorbent while controlling a new thing I had realized, I smelled sometimes if I was not hydrated well enough.  It was great and I bought them by the case for a while.  Life went along a few more years and while I hated it, it had become part of my day, put one on and go to work.

We started a family after some troubles and moved to be closer to friends and family.  I found during this time, I was having more and more trouble with it not just being a little release after urinating like there was left over not addressed, but now I was finding my bladder would spasm and if I was not at a toilet within 2 minutes or so, I would be finding my pull up much more saturated.  I talked to my doctor finally, and was sent to a urologist.  She ran the tests, had me pee in this and that, stuck a scope in a place I want to never have something stuck again.  The one thing she did find is that my bladder does spasm uncontrollably and that my sphincter is just not that strong.

My experience is that most doctors are not there to help as much as try to push drugs.  I tried them, for 2 years.  This one, that one, those ones.  All of them helped some, but failed to stop the spasms or post-void dribbling.  The side effects though were horrendous for most.  Dry mouth causing you to drink more that then makes things worse, headaches – bad ones, not migraines as have had those since 16 but bad, sleeplessness – not what I need as it is.  After two years, I decided I would rather just wear a pull up or diaper than take all of those expensive drugs that sort of worked, but still left me with at least a pad.  That was about 6 years ago now.   I never called her back, threw the drugs away and started wearing a – ready for this – ADULT DIAPER.

There are many euphemisms for it.  Brief, adult pad, protective underwear, whatever.  It is a DIAPER.  Here I am not even 40, with a family, a rather healthy male outside of this, but none the less in a diaper now every day.

It took me a very long time to allow myself to call it a diaper.  I have been to many doctors since and everyone uses some term other than diaper when I am asked to remove my pants and they see it.   This point is one for you to explore and find comfort with.  I finally have, for me it is just a diaper.  I have found ways to pull the front down enough without ripping the tapes to still pee if I can make it in time, but I feel more confident knowing if I can’t I will not be outwardly wet.

Underwear comes in all shapes, sizes, styles.  My wife has some very sexy panties, she has some less than sex ones too.  They are all underwear.  My diapers are mine now.

She has been so supportive of me calling them whatever and never once making me feel like she has concerns outside than that for my health.  I love her and HOPE everyone has someone so great in their lives.  It makes a great difference to know you can be that close and have something so awkward just be nothing more than another layer before you get to the fun!

I have read that 1:4 people have to address some level of leakage in their lives.  Most are women and I have not heard one complain about it, at least around me.  I have to admit, being a man I must be the stronger person in the relationship, but I think most days they really are.  I was such a wimp talking about it for almost 12 years or dealing with it.  She told me after kids she just put a pad in her underwear and went on with life.  I never knew!  God bless women.

I hope you find a place where you are comfortable if you live with this and realize you are not alone.

Head up, diaper on, get out and live life.


3 thoughts on “How did I become incontinent?”

  1. Though a bedwetter at times as a kid up till about 35, I was in a car accident that left me bowel and bladder IC with no control. I’m 42 and have been in adult briefs and plastic pants for five years and for the rest of my life. The bowel loss really scares people away. I work and if I have a bm accident, I have to leave and change at home. Changing messy diapers out in public is time consuming and smelly. Obviously I carry supplies with at all times. If I don’t have a diaper on I may pee or poo wherever I am. This happens a lot between changes. I’ve tried all the good brands and wear maybe 5 brands. Wellness Superio is the best and most discreet adult brief yet. I am wearing one right now for 7 hours. This product is a game changer.

  2. I am glad you found a great diaper. I feel for you when it comes to dealing with that, especially in public. It sounds cliche, but a soiled diapers and a change in a public bathroom is a lot less embarrassing than soiled pants in public.
    I did not find the wellness worked well for me, but BetterDry and Northshores work well. I have been told that with bowel releases, larger rear sections and leg gathers are most important. For those I find ABUniverse/Bambino Diapers/Abena do a better job in design, but they are more bulky in nature as well. I hope you the best in your quest to find the best diaper. Please let me know if you try them and what you think of them!

    1. Oddly enough, I just found out that NorthShore shipped me a few Wellness samples in my latest purchase!
      I will try them again

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